Rotten Veggies.

Synopsis.

Rotten Veggies is a series of picture books for adults. Carrots and beans! Beetroots and radishes! Cucumbers and the whole rotten rest! My parents always told me,

“Eat your veggies, son!  They’re good for you!”

Well, not these vegetables! ‘Rotten Veggies’ portrays vegetables at their most rotten!

Volume 1: Ginger the Carrot

Status: complete, in words and pictures, awaiting publication.

Illustrations by Sally Dee.

Ginger’s is a coming of age story. It’s about leaving home and discovering the world.
It’s about smoking your first toke, getting sick on alcohol and being with a woman for the first time. And then it’s about revenge for all those little carrots back in your patch who were always laughing at you ’cause you looked different…in an bloody-orangey type of way!

Volume 2: Randy the Runner

Status: written, awaiting illustrations

Illustrations by Sally Dee.

Randy is a bean, Runner bean that is. He’s hot tempered, ambitious, and a little ‘Buscemi’. Runner beans have a reputation for being nice, but Randy dreams of being ‘bad-ass’. So he takes a job as a drug runner, keeping all creeds of root vegetables high on their favorite fix. But that’s not ‘bad-ass’ enough for him. The ‘bad-ass’ he wants to be is like his boss, Bertie the Beetroot. Bertie is big, bad, and a little Marsellus Wallace. Randy resolves to become a ‘bad-ass’ drug lord, even if it means taking Bertie down to achieve it.

Volume 3: Cool as a Cucumber

Status: being written

There is unrest in the vegetable drawer of the refrigerator! All the veggies, and those quasi-veggies the tomatoes, leave, never to return!  Except for that smarmy cucumber, who leaves by the delicate hand with the red painted nails, and returns glistening and clean, and proclaiming, “There’s nothing like a good woman!”

Murder!  Vegetable cannibalism!  And betrayal of the most horrible kind!  ‘Cool as a cucumber’ goes where only a cucumber could…or maybe also a carrot…!’

Volume 4: Grotty Green Pea

Status: written, awaiting illustrations

Mr. Crapton loves his green peas. Eats them three times a day he will, please! But one day a certain green pea hits the edge of the pan and runs away down the hill through the village, upsetting everyone along the way.